It's been a while since my last post and there are a lot of updates to share.
I realized when Lauren woke up that this blog not only served as a way to update all of you but it also gave me an outlet to express the full range of emotions that went through each of our hearts. Once Lauren was awake all of those emotions turned into joy and gratitude. And the words that I once typed on this keyboard were instead shared in conversation with her.
Yesterday (7.13.10) marked the 1 month anniversary of the car accident and it is unbelievable how far we have come. The fact that we were unsure if Lauren would live to unsure of her quality of life to preparing for her homecoming THIS FRIDAY is nothing, nothing short of a miracle.
Lauren was transferred to Dodd Rehab Center about a week after she woke up from the coma. After she arrived it was as if someone pressed fast forward on her recovery. Very quickly they had her up and walking, replaced her trach with a smaller one making it possible for her to talk and eat solid food. Soon that too was removed and all that remained as evidence of the accident is her feeding tube that will remain in her belly until it heals and her neck brace.
The Physical Therapists say that Lauren is their star patient--determined and strong she breezed through rehab. Not to say that she is ready to run a marathon tomorrow. She still moves slowly and tires quickly but we share the doctors belief that being home surrounded by family and especially her children will make her recovery go that much faster.
My heart and soul is filled with such gratitude. I am thankful that Lauren is alive and I am incredibly thankful for the outpouring of love and support from all of our friends and family.
As some of you may know this September will mark the tenth year since we lost my nephew Spencer. There is still a sting that is alive and well in each of our hearts. Each year brings another what if, another what would have been. While we have come to a place where we can laugh and reminisce there is still that moment that hits you and you realize that he is really gone. That moment hurts like nothing else.
There is little in life that you can control. I'll be honest and say that while I know that...I don't think I have truly embraced it and I'm not sure anyone truly does. The best that we can do it to put good in the world, give the best of ourselves and have faith--faith that in the end everything will be okay--faith that if it isn't okay you will have the strength to live with the outcome.
In Lauren's hospital room we bought a book that we asked every visitor to sign. These words of encouragement and love served as an inspiration to Lauren and even though she is going home she still needs your support while she continues her recovery. Pain is still a reality, the uncomfortable neck brace (which I have suggested she bejewel-lol) and the fact that walking up a flight of stairs is a big feat. Visits, phone calls, Facebook wall posts are all encouraged and recommended.
Thank you for praying, for believing and for supporting each of us.
The next post will be brought to you by a surprise writer...three guesses as to who it is ;)
Love,
Us
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Awakening....
I will start this post with a disclaimer. I am a grammar rebel. Always have been. In school my papers always came back survivors of a red pen massacre. I am also addicted to spell check. Technology is making us dumber--my niece sent me a text and I felt like I needed a dictionary to understand her message. And so the spelling function in my brain has been shut down for business. So my dear husband has volunteered to be my editor. Hopefully that will make reading the blog a little easier for you proper grammar, correct spelling loving types.
On to the update! Lauren is awake, albeit a bit confused. Not like "I don't know where I am" confused but she confuses the days of the week or what month it is. When working with her speech therapist, she thought that the accident happened 6 months ago! She does know her age and her family; both good signs. She has been standing up and taking a step or two and her right side is growing stronger.
We were thrilled to learn that tomorrow Lauren will be transferred to Dodd Hall, a rehab facility on The Ohio State University campus. The facility has more of a home-like feel and they work with her on being physically independent again. She will be travelling to Dodd with the larger trach still in her throat and the feeding tube still in her belly. The hope is that in the next week or so they will give her a smaller trach and she will be able to use the speaking valve.
Yesterday she asked if she looked the same physically, which she absolutely does so all of you know. She has not a single visible scratch on her face. While she has a large scar behind her ear, it is hidden by her massive amount of hair. She will leave with scars from the tubes and her surgery but they are all easily hidden even under a tank top.
Her personality is showing through more and more. She is smiling and as bossy as ever.
If you didn't know my family is Catholic--very Latino of us. Not to offend any one, but I have observed that Catholics are very prim, proper and private about their religion. We show our faith through medals and crosses that hang around our necks or in our houses. We proudly display statuettes and prayer cards of various saints and of course pay tribute to the big JC by naming at least one of our children Jesus. We pray when people are sick or when an object has been "put away" in a "safe place" that your mind refuses to remember. I sometimes question if this is the faith for me but my resolve in believing that there is a higher power has never wavered. My dear family has been shaken by death, illness, moving to a new land learning a new language, adopting a new culture. Sometimes I wonder about how much more we could take. Not that life has been all tragic, it's just that the tragic parts have been pretty high on the Richter scale. I wondered if something in this whole ordeal had gone another way--what would have become of us. In this dark desperate hour you have no choice but to put every once of faith into something much more powerful than yourself. I also believe that when your faith isn't enough, it's the collective faith that kicks in and thank God for that. Not that I believe our faith wasn't enough, but the turbo boost of your prayers could only help the situation.
I cried a little yesterday and when Lauren asked why, I answered because I was scared and she said she was too. After a moment I let her know that the fear was gone. And now the tears are full of pride and joy--the same tears I cried when she graduated from high school, dental assisting, the same tears when Dereon and Maya were born and the same tears I will cry at every "new beginning".....
Thanks for the turbo boost--let us know when ever you need one too.
Love,
Us
On to the update! Lauren is awake, albeit a bit confused. Not like "I don't know where I am" confused but she confuses the days of the week or what month it is. When working with her speech therapist, she thought that the accident happened 6 months ago! She does know her age and her family; both good signs. She has been standing up and taking a step or two and her right side is growing stronger.
We were thrilled to learn that tomorrow Lauren will be transferred to Dodd Hall, a rehab facility on The Ohio State University campus. The facility has more of a home-like feel and they work with her on being physically independent again. She will be travelling to Dodd with the larger trach still in her throat and the feeding tube still in her belly. The hope is that in the next week or so they will give her a smaller trach and she will be able to use the speaking valve.
Yesterday she asked if she looked the same physically, which she absolutely does so all of you know. She has not a single visible scratch on her face. While she has a large scar behind her ear, it is hidden by her massive amount of hair. She will leave with scars from the tubes and her surgery but they are all easily hidden even under a tank top.
Her personality is showing through more and more. She is smiling and as bossy as ever.
If you didn't know my family is Catholic--very Latino of us. Not to offend any one, but I have observed that Catholics are very prim, proper and private about their religion. We show our faith through medals and crosses that hang around our necks or in our houses. We proudly display statuettes and prayer cards of various saints and of course pay tribute to the big JC by naming at least one of our children Jesus. We pray when people are sick or when an object has been "put away" in a "safe place" that your mind refuses to remember. I sometimes question if this is the faith for me but my resolve in believing that there is a higher power has never wavered. My dear family has been shaken by death, illness, moving to a new land learning a new language, adopting a new culture. Sometimes I wonder about how much more we could take. Not that life has been all tragic, it's just that the tragic parts have been pretty high on the Richter scale. I wondered if something in this whole ordeal had gone another way--what would have become of us. In this dark desperate hour you have no choice but to put every once of faith into something much more powerful than yourself. I also believe that when your faith isn't enough, it's the collective faith that kicks in and thank God for that. Not that I believe our faith wasn't enough, but the turbo boost of your prayers could only help the situation.
I cried a little yesterday and when Lauren asked why, I answered because I was scared and she said she was too. After a moment I let her know that the fear was gone. And now the tears are full of pride and joy--the same tears I cried when she graduated from high school, dental assisting, the same tears when Dereon and Maya were born and the same tears I will cry at every "new beginning".....
Thanks for the turbo boost--let us know when ever you need one too.
Love,
Us
Monday, June 28, 2010
A life altered.....
In our lives we play many roles--a parent, friend, sister, lover but there are some roles assigned to us that we would never audition for. The gods of fate bestow these upon us and we are forced to live out whatever story lines they bring with them.
As an ICU family we stood by as the priorities of Lauren condition differed day by day. What the doctors worried over is what we worried over, when took a collective sigh of relief so did we. Even though we had lingering questions about her other injuries it seemed as though they were not the biggest concern. Now that she has been moved to the trauma unit and she is breathing on her own our attention and their attention has turned to her brain injury.
As I mentioned in another post medical terms are literal. It feels very real and closer to our definition of brain injury when you receive pamphlets and other reading material about brain injuries and the care of patients with them.
I am sitting in Lauren's hospital room now writing this entry surrounded by cards, flowers and old pictures of the Lauren we all know. I can't help but to wonder who will she be. We had visits today from the Speech Therapist and the Physical Therapist.
I'll start with her Physical Therapist report: Lauren took a few steps and set up in a chair. She high fived and gave a thumbs up with her left hand but the right hand is still took weak to do either. She used her left hand to aid in right in both of these tasks.
Her Speech Therapist report: Lauren knew her age and address, she could point to a board and find simple objects like an apple, car, etc. On a cognitive scale of 1-10 1 being someone in a coma and 10 being someone functioning--her therapist gave her a 4 or 5--progress!!
The milestones we will work on for the next week:
-Get a smaller tube in her throat and cap it off so that we can hear her voice. We have found in the world of skills that our family has...lip reading is not one of them.
-Get her off the continuous flow of pain meds. Keeps you groggy--we need her alert.
-Four more days of antibiotics for her pneumonia and bacteria still lurking in her blood.
-Get her up and moving more. The hope to begin to wheel her around the floor and out to the waiting room.
Before we even pack bags for rehab Lauren needs to be tube-free alert and be able to with stand 3 hours of therapy a day. So while we see a light at the end of the tunnel it may just be a sunroof.
In the meantime we prepare and we become more patient in the unknown and continue to count our blessings all 5'8" of her.
Lastly the doctors have asked that we limit Lauren's visitors to family only. I know this may be tough for some of you but please respect this request. Lauren's therapist are tough and invested in her getting better we need to let them guide us through this. We are happy to accept your cards, pictures, etc and we do our best to share them with Lauren. The truth of the matter is that these are days that will not live in her memory. We have to accept that all the air kisses, hand squeezes, and mouthed words are part of her process but don't take it personal baby. She knows she is surrounded by love which puts her at ease but the baby steps in her recovery puts all of us at ease.
I will always end my entries with gratitude. Gratitude for your love, support, prayers and thoughts they are good for us and Lauren.
Love,
Us
As an ICU family we stood by as the priorities of Lauren condition differed day by day. What the doctors worried over is what we worried over, when took a collective sigh of relief so did we. Even though we had lingering questions about her other injuries it seemed as though they were not the biggest concern. Now that she has been moved to the trauma unit and she is breathing on her own our attention and their attention has turned to her brain injury.
As I mentioned in another post medical terms are literal. It feels very real and closer to our definition of brain injury when you receive pamphlets and other reading material about brain injuries and the care of patients with them.
I am sitting in Lauren's hospital room now writing this entry surrounded by cards, flowers and old pictures of the Lauren we all know. I can't help but to wonder who will she be. We had visits today from the Speech Therapist and the Physical Therapist.
I'll start with her Physical Therapist report: Lauren took a few steps and set up in a chair. She high fived and gave a thumbs up with her left hand but the right hand is still took weak to do either. She used her left hand to aid in right in both of these tasks.
Her Speech Therapist report: Lauren knew her age and address, she could point to a board and find simple objects like an apple, car, etc. On a cognitive scale of 1-10 1 being someone in a coma and 10 being someone functioning--her therapist gave her a 4 or 5--progress!!
The milestones we will work on for the next week:
-Get a smaller tube in her throat and cap it off so that we can hear her voice. We have found in the world of skills that our family has...lip reading is not one of them.
-Get her off the continuous flow of pain meds. Keeps you groggy--we need her alert.
-Four more days of antibiotics for her pneumonia and bacteria still lurking in her blood.
-Get her up and moving more. The hope to begin to wheel her around the floor and out to the waiting room.
Before we even pack bags for rehab Lauren needs to be tube-free alert and be able to with stand 3 hours of therapy a day. So while we see a light at the end of the tunnel it may just be a sunroof.
In the meantime we prepare and we become more patient in the unknown and continue to count our blessings all 5'8" of her.
Lastly the doctors have asked that we limit Lauren's visitors to family only. I know this may be tough for some of you but please respect this request. Lauren's therapist are tough and invested in her getting better we need to let them guide us through this. We are happy to accept your cards, pictures, etc and we do our best to share them with Lauren. The truth of the matter is that these are days that will not live in her memory. We have to accept that all the air kisses, hand squeezes, and mouthed words are part of her process but don't take it personal baby. She knows she is surrounded by love which puts her at ease but the baby steps in her recovery puts all of us at ease.
I will always end my entries with gratitude. Gratitude for your love, support, prayers and thoughts they are good for us and Lauren.
Love,
Us
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A room with a view....
Today Lauren was moved from the ICU to the 7th floor trauma unit at the hospital! She is also thankful more awake and trying to talk. The doctor let us know today that tomorrow then will take her off of the ventilator and in the coming days replace the tube in her throat with a shorter one that will give her the ability to speak. They also hope that by next week she will be able to be wheeled into the waiting area to see the kids!!
I will write more later but wanted to share the good news!
I will write more later but wanted to share the good news!
Friday, June 25, 2010
If you decide to start back home, turn to page 4
When I was in fifth grade my teacher Mrs. Cross used to take our class to the library every week. When the doors opened kids dashed not driven by their love of reading but to ensure that they arrived at the paperback section first for the best selection of the "Choose Your Own Adventure" series. If you have never had the pleasure of choosing your own adventure the premise of the books is that why the theme and the beginning of a storyline is laid out throughout the book you choose the fate of the main character. Of course the best part of the book is that should you choose p.86 and realize your headed for doom you can always go back to that fork in the road and choose another page with another outcome.
Throughout Lauren's hospital stay I have felt like we are caught in a Twlight Zone version of "Choose Your Own Adventure". Every one of Lauren's aliments has a different outcome each escalates in it's seriousness. She could have minor effects from teh stroke or she could always be in a state of semi-consiusness. Her breathing could get better or she could wheel of oxygen tank around with her all her life.
While we may not know the events along the path to Lauren's recovery we refuse to turn to the page where she is anything but an altered version of who she was--funny, full of life, loving and fabulous. We will accepted altered beause every experience in life changes you but we refuse to believe in the worst case scenarios instead we have faith that our heroine will fall in the best case scenario because she already has!
Tomorrow marks the second week since the accident. The doctors have removed her ventilator, feeding, and suction tubes from her mouth. Instead she has a small feeding tube in her belly and the doctors did the tracheotomy. Lauren now has a tube in her throat giving her a clear airway to breathe. This makes her more comfortable, gives her better quality breathes and most importantly gives the doctors the ability to finally wake her up.
Weening Lauren off of the sedatives will not be easy. She will begin to really feel the pain that hovers over, around and through her. Last night the weening process began she became a little restless so they upped her pain meds. Last night she created a new record for how long her eyes were opened. She looked around the room and looked at each of her visitors. The kid is coming back!
Much like the story lines of my favorite fifth grade books, we needed a timeline, we needed to understand what happens next? We finally got sketch of a timeline that let's us prepare, understand and plan for what is next. So it looks like this: in the next fews days they hope to move Lauren out of the ICU and into a similar department that will care for her. From there the would like to send Lauren to a rehab facility where they will work with her on her breathing, endurance and her weak right side.
Each day gets a little easier. I wish I could skip forward a few chapters and take a peek into the future--just to easy some of the worry and stress. But in this life while we make choices we can't take them back or alter the effects of them. Instead we wait and take it all as it comes. This too shall pass and what will be will be.
We're not "out of the woods" yet but we can see the exit sign. Keep up the prayers and good wishes. Whether you know Lauren or if you read this blog to support one of our family members--your friendship make the us collectively stronger. I often show my sister the posts on Facebook or the well wishes strangers to her have sent to any one of us and I know it helps bring her some joy at a time when she is beginning to feel the effects of this whole situation.
Thank you for your friendship, prayers, and thoughts. Keep 'em coming!
Love,
us
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Pretty Brown Eyes
"Look at everything as though you are seeing it for the first time, with eyes of a child, fresh with wonder." -Joseph Cornell
By every set of elevators in the hospital the Chaplin posts a new quote every few days. The quote above was posted today and I thought it was fitting as today we was the first real glimpse of Lauren returning to us. Today on and off through out the day as visitors entered and greeted her Lauren opened her eyes. Sometimes she would also look as if she were smirking. She would at times close one eyes as if she were trying to focus on who you were or on a particular object.
While she has been responding to commands up until today she has not had her eyes open for more than a few seconds. Today she worked up to almost a minute! My nephew Wade said it was like having a baby every little eye opening, toe wiggling thing she does and we all beam like newborn parents.
In was in a quiet moment today that Lauren gave me a little sign that she's in there ready to come out--listening to each of us and to all of your thoughts and prayers. As I held her hand and told her I loved her she tickled my hand. This is something Lauren usually does when we sit together and talk. Every since she was little.
It's these little moments that pushes away the worry and brings in more laughter and joy. Tonight as we sat rejoicing over Lauren's little milestones just a few doors down a family was saying there goodbyes in the ICU. As our room filled with wonder at Lauren's open eyes and mouth movements, their room filled with a sadness all too familiar to our family. The sadness of a tragic event, a life unfinished and a family left with an overwhelming grief that fills your heart.
You could hear the tears from the many family members gathered outside the room. Oh how we felt for them. It was bizarre to watch the ICU function normally as this family's world fell apart. I almost felt guilty while I thanked God that it wasn't us and prayed for that family to heal again soon.
We have built a little community in the temporary waiting room on the 4th floor of the hospital. Ordinarily this waiting room is for the maternity ward down the hall but while they finish construction on the 3rd floor ICU waiting room we all sleep, eat and build community on the 4th floor. We've gotten to know some of the families and their stories. My mom and sisters who haven't spent full days at the hospital often check in with family members or the patients themselves. Some of them in much worst shape than Lauren but each of us understands the ups and downs of the ICU. It's kind of ironic that periodically a "rock a bye baby" like tune chimes through the waiting area signaling the birth of a new baby.
I'll close this post with my last update of the day. Near the end of visiting hours tonight as my mom and sister sat with Lauren the doctor came by to say they found something on one of Lauren's x-rays. My mom and sister braced themselves for a new development. Apparently the last set of x-rays found a piece of metal lodged in Lauren throat. Hmmm....a piece of metal. Any guesses? It seems that in the course of getting Lauren's ventilator in when she arrived at the hospital her tongue ring came loose and stayed stuck in her throat. Reason #462 why you may want to re-think that tongue ring. The doctor asked everyone to leave while he fished her tongue ring out. This was a more involved process but I won't go into that I'll just leave you with the humor of the situation.
Much love,
us
By every set of elevators in the hospital the Chaplin posts a new quote every few days. The quote above was posted today and I thought it was fitting as today we was the first real glimpse of Lauren returning to us. Today on and off through out the day as visitors entered and greeted her Lauren opened her eyes. Sometimes she would also look as if she were smirking. She would at times close one eyes as if she were trying to focus on who you were or on a particular object.
While she has been responding to commands up until today she has not had her eyes open for more than a few seconds. Today she worked up to almost a minute! My nephew Wade said it was like having a baby every little eye opening, toe wiggling thing she does and we all beam like newborn parents.
In was in a quiet moment today that Lauren gave me a little sign that she's in there ready to come out--listening to each of us and to all of your thoughts and prayers. As I held her hand and told her I loved her she tickled my hand. This is something Lauren usually does when we sit together and talk. Every since she was little.
It's these little moments that pushes away the worry and brings in more laughter and joy. Tonight as we sat rejoicing over Lauren's little milestones just a few doors down a family was saying there goodbyes in the ICU. As our room filled with wonder at Lauren's open eyes and mouth movements, their room filled with a sadness all too familiar to our family. The sadness of a tragic event, a life unfinished and a family left with an overwhelming grief that fills your heart.
You could hear the tears from the many family members gathered outside the room. Oh how we felt for them. It was bizarre to watch the ICU function normally as this family's world fell apart. I almost felt guilty while I thanked God that it wasn't us and prayed for that family to heal again soon.
We have built a little community in the temporary waiting room on the 4th floor of the hospital. Ordinarily this waiting room is for the maternity ward down the hall but while they finish construction on the 3rd floor ICU waiting room we all sleep, eat and build community on the 4th floor. We've gotten to know some of the families and their stories. My mom and sisters who haven't spent full days at the hospital often check in with family members or the patients themselves. Some of them in much worst shape than Lauren but each of us understands the ups and downs of the ICU. It's kind of ironic that periodically a "rock a bye baby" like tune chimes through the waiting area signaling the birth of a new baby.
I'll close this post with my last update of the day. Near the end of visiting hours tonight as my mom and sister sat with Lauren the doctor came by to say they found something on one of Lauren's x-rays. My mom and sister braced themselves for a new development. Apparently the last set of x-rays found a piece of metal lodged in Lauren throat. Hmmm....a piece of metal. Any guesses? It seems that in the course of getting Lauren's ventilator in when she arrived at the hospital her tongue ring came loose and stayed stuck in her throat. Reason #462 why you may want to re-think that tongue ring. The doctor asked everyone to leave while he fished her tongue ring out. This was a more involved process but I won't go into that I'll just leave you with the humor of the situation.
Much love,
us
Lauren "Bionic Woman" Jones Est. 2010
Lauren's surgery went well yesterday. She now has three titanium plates holding together the ribs on her left side. They also put in a suction tube to help clean out the fluids from her lungs replacing the tubes that once helped to keep air out of them.
Today they begin to ween Lauren off of the respirator. Our hope is that she does well enough that she is able to be completely breathe on her own and awake by the end of the week.
I realized that it may seem selfish of us to want her awake. At least being awake she can truly communicate with us--about her weak right arm, about whether or not she can see out of that right eye that is still dilated but now responding at last. But really it's just to be able to ask her if she is okay, to tell her we love you and around the world we put out the distress signal and people are praying for you, thinking of you and waiting for the day when we can say you are better.
Awake also means progress it means that she is that much closer to being herself to seeing her children, to coming home and being the process of getting back to her regular life.
Awake also means alot of pain. The nurse warned us that at first she may freak out. while she is semi-conscience and can hear and respond to us until she is completely awake she will not understand what has happened to her. Then the pain will set in. The pain from her ribs, from the mere act of breathing will be unbelievable.
So we will take things one day at a time. We need to focus on what today will bring and remain hopeful about tomorrow. And thank every higher power that she is here with us and will be for a very long time.
With love and gratitude,
us.
Today they begin to ween Lauren off of the respirator. Our hope is that she does well enough that she is able to be completely breathe on her own and awake by the end of the week.
I realized that it may seem selfish of us to want her awake. At least being awake she can truly communicate with us--about her weak right arm, about whether or not she can see out of that right eye that is still dilated but now responding at last. But really it's just to be able to ask her if she is okay, to tell her we love you and around the world we put out the distress signal and people are praying for you, thinking of you and waiting for the day when we can say you are better.
Awake also means progress it means that she is that much closer to being herself to seeing her children, to coming home and being the process of getting back to her regular life.
Awake also means alot of pain. The nurse warned us that at first she may freak out. while she is semi-conscience and can hear and respond to us until she is completely awake she will not understand what has happened to her. Then the pain will set in. The pain from her ribs, from the mere act of breathing will be unbelievable.
So we will take things one day at a time. We need to focus on what today will bring and remain hopeful about tomorrow. And thank every higher power that she is here with us and will be for a very long time.
With love and gratitude,
us.
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